A Tale of Noobs
by Ebee Kit
Summary: Have you ever been challenged by a noob who thinks they're better than you? I think we all have. Here's how that turned out for me.. on several occasions.(No longer on hiatus! hug me o.o)
1. Chapter 1

**This is a true story about something that happened to me on a server once :D**

* * *

12minethediamondss2545 stood in the temple spawn, jumping up and down against the Quartz pillar. He kept up a steady flood of whining and pleading to the higher-ups and more experienced players, begging for things that you just wouldn't give a noob. Although I was an admin, I didn't ban him for begging other staff. He amused me. I watched from the roof with a raised eyebrow. He looked up when I threw a snowball at him, and as soon as her saw my diamond armor he practically crapped himself:

12minethediamondss2545: pllllzzz ebbe can i have your helmet! PLLLZZZZZZ I WILL GIVE YOU

He didn't finish.

Ebee: Um... no.

12minethediamondss2545: plzplzplzplzplz

I snickered, shaking my head.

Ebee: -_-

12minethediamondss2545: or ur sword i will give u lots and los of money

Exasperatedly I checked his balance with /bal 12minethediamondss2545. A message appeared in bright green:

12minethediamondss2545: balance $230

I almost told the whole server(who all seemed to be stopping their rapid conversations to listen to the argument between the noob and the admin) his pathetic amount of money. But I kept my keyboard sealed. For the lolz. Then I watched as he took some wheat out and swung his arm repepeatedly- was he trying to eat it? Jeez, this guy IS really a noob... He dropped the wheat in frustration and kept bouncing around the spawn. I shake my head, snickering. He then attempts to trade wheat for some God Armor I sneaked to a nearby pro by the name of Minerallllz.

I stared at him. He kept jumping up and down.

I threw another snowball at his face.

12minethediamondss2545: EBBE PLEZ I REALY NEED IT

Ebee: Listen, dude, I'm not going to give you my stuff.. and at least get my loveing name right!

Ebee: Damn you swearbleeper.

12minethediamondss2545: EBEE PLLLLLLLLZZ LET ME HAV SUM STTUFF JUUUST SPAAAAAAAAWWWN ITT1!

Ebee: Nah.

12minethediamondss2545: GRRR YOU SUCK YOU n00bbbbbbb!1! EBE IS A NOOB EVEBODY SHE IS SPAW CAMPIN AND HOGIng STUFF

Ebee: Says the guy trying to eat wheat since he drained his hunger bar sprinting around the spawn to the girl with the full diamond armor.

12minethediamondss2545: bUT YOuR A N00B BECASE YOU KEP ALL YOUR CRETIVE MODE STUF AND I TRY TO GIV PEPLE IT

12minethediamondss2545: LERN TO SHARE

Ebee: Sorry, can't help you. Anyway.. give people WHAT? Your balance is $230, noob.

12minethediamondss2545: NO I HAV 3000000000000000000000 NOOB

Ebee: Read the rules.

12minethediamondss2545: NO

SarahSpartaDBR [me-: This guy cracks me up, but since owners not here. we should annoy him.

[me- SarahSpartaDBR: HELLZ YEAH. Okay let's have a bet.. i bet when he calls me an idiot he spells it wrong lol

Ebee: Idiot...

12minethediamondss2545: UR THE IDOT NOT ME

Ebee: Lol stfu noob.

SarahSpartaDBR: Lmao. Ebee you're psychic

GhastTheLeet: Ikr? He's a retard.

12minethediamondss2545 has been banned by Head-Admin Ebee. Reason: Begging, spamming, insulting, being a noob.

And I flew off the roof, laughing my head off next to GhastTheLeet and SrahSpartaDBR.

* * *

**True story xD Hilarious. Honestly it happened. The chat log wasn't exact but it was about as close as you can get.**

**~Ebee**

**(Yes, I am a head-admin on this server, but it's down atm and FF doesn't let me post the IP) **


	2. Chapter 2

**So I decided to continue this by adding tales of noobs to it. I guess I have infinite inspiration for this- Minecraft is full of noobs just waiting to be laughed at. xD I'm so mean. Anyway.. here's another tale of noobiness. ;) I forgot this guy's name, but it contained 'brian' and '237' so I'll call him 'brian237'. :3 **

**(5 reviews.. thanks guys :3)**

* * *

I lazily walked around in the air between the plots at EternalCracked Realm. Bored. I look at the chat, which is bursting with activity as usual, and grin when I see a guy, clearly a noob, saying something that makes the _very_ sarcastic side of me kick in.

brian237: ya right dont use furnases IM GONNA USE 1 :

brian237: D

You see, furnaces and anything you can store items in, including chests, trapped chests, hoppers, the like, are blocked. You can place them for decoration, but it's impossible to open them. I hit T and start typing.

FroggedDollar: You CAN'T use them.

Of course, he rages as soon as he realises I'm talking to him:

brian237: WELL WATCH THIS

FroggedDollar: ...Dude..

brian237 has requested you to teleport to them. To accept, type /tpaccept. To deny type /tpdeny.

I lazily type /tpyes and I'm suddenly standing in a wooden shack lit by torches with one window. I sigh. Noob houses- the loveliest thing to grief.

Sadly, I can't.

brian237 places a furnace, making sure I'm looking, and repeatedly swings his arm at it.

I stare.

brian237: see i cAN USE FURNACES LOOK ITS SMELTN

I stare.

FroggedDollar: Brian.. you can't open furnaces.

brian237: SHUT UP YOU loveING NOOB

I shake my head. Stupid, stupid, stupid little noob..

FroggedDollar: Wow.. you think I'M a noob? Dude, it says IN THE CREATIVE WORLD SPAWN that you can't use containers.

brian237: stfu wonderful loveer

I laugh. The swearbleeper here is amazing.

brian237: your a wonderful person

I snicker. He tried to call me a bitch.

FroggedDollar: Aw, thanks. Sadly that doesn't change my opinion of you- I still think you're a noob.

I suddenly have a bow pointed at my face.

I type /plotme home.

Poof. I'm back at my creative plot complete with skin statue. Grinning I send brian237 a private message reading 'Noob. Hey, if you call me a noob too, it means you're a pedophile.'

I'm strange. I scan the chat for a message back and see one pretty soon-

brian237: YOUR A awesome person wonderful FROG

Translation- You're a bitch, stupid FroggedDollar! Yes, that's how I read the message in my head. I speak noob. After thinking this I get a great idea on how to annoy the crap out of him-

FroggedDollar: I'm sorry, brian237, I don't speak noob. Please say that again in 'English'.

brian237 left the game.

FroggedDollar: Aw, that was too easy..


	3. Chapter 3

**Heyyo! It's Ebee here, back with another tale of noobiness! **

**:D this contains yet another server, with one stupid noob. :3 Sorry about the changing names. I'm a cracked user. Also, here's the ip for this place- take out the spaces- **

**team-erubetie . no - ip . biz**

**:D Enjoi. If you join, you might find Swiftie12 there one day. Say hi and tell them that Swiftie sent you. :3**

* * *

I stood on the jungle tree, watching Weirddreamer run around in circles, trying get himself a cat. The poor ocelot panicked around, leaping into tiny niches and holes, trying to escape the noob. I had recently started a cat craze here. All I said was 'I wanna kitty D:' and soon the co-owner was spawning ocelots everywhere and arguing about how to tame a cat with our 'that one guy', Tsnkgamer. I sigh.

The noob was attempting to corner the cat and was clicking it madly with the fish. Nothing was happening. I sigh.

I drop down from the 30-block-high tree with my awesome feather falling diamond boots, hitting the ground next to the noob with a _crack_ that gets his attention.

Weirddreamer: swiftie what r u doin

I take a stack of twelve raw fish from my hotbar and hold shift, creeping slowly toward the cat.

Weirddreamer: oh ur tamin in from me thnx

I snicker at his ignorance.

The ocelot stops running in circles and slowly walks toward me. I tame it, only using three fish, and it turns into my favorite kind of cat- Tuxedo. I smirk, teleporting back to my house with /home. Poof. Here I am.

I head to the cat houses I'd made a while ago and add a new one. I label it 'Sooty', as that's the name of my irl black-and-white tuxedo cat. I smile. There we go.

The noob promptly starts raging.

Weirddreamer: WTF SWIFTE THATS MY CAT#

I laugh.

[Trusted] Swiftie12: Nope!

Weirddreamer: DRAGON SWIFTE TOOK MT CAT

Co-Owner DragonKnight: Swiftie what did you do this time?

Swiftie12: He was trying to tame an Ocelot, but he did it wrong, so I ended up with it as my newest kitteh.

Co-Owner DragonKnight: Fair enough.

I laugh.

Weirddreamer: YH BUT SHE STOLED IT :(

I roll my eyes.

[Trusted] Swiftie12: Dude, a cat doesn't belong to anyone until they've tamed it. I TAMED IT. STFU.

Weirddreamer: NO COZ I WAS ABOUT TP

Weirddreamer: YO

Weirddreamer: TO

I watch him spam up the chat with a passive face.

I get an idea.

[Trusted] Swiftie12: I'm sorry, Weirddreamer, I shouldn't have taken your cat.

Weirddreamer: YOU SHOLD BE.

I sigh, shaking my head. Noobs these days. So bloody gullible.

I grin.

[Trusted] Swiftie12: HEH. Not really.

Weirddreamer: THATS IT IM NOT COMIN BACK THIS SERVER SUX BYE

Weirddreamer left the game.

[Trusted] Swiftie12: Oops.

Co-Owner DragonKnight: Lol swiftie xD

That was too easy.. sheesh.. ragequitter. ._.


	4. Chapter 4: Keyboard attack

**Now to break le hiatus. :3 Sadly, I have had no reply from dear Sizly :P and anyway, this was getting slightly ridiculous, so I decided to just add a little note in my profile to tell him that I am very much alive *dodges bullet aimed at face by angry hater* and.. yeah. :3**

**Onto da chapter! If you can call it that!**

* * *

Bored-bored-bored-

It wasn't usually this quiet on Erubetie. Frowning, I hit tab and saw nothing but my hoax name- Lily2525- Xkrules, who was AFK, and Kokonut_'s twelve robot/etc NPC players that made the server always seem to be busy. They had been implemented to annoy the server's past co-owner, Ksjdragon. I frown again and wander aimlessly around the faction base that held all of my Overworldly possessions, locked deep in my bedroom. The faction base that I did not know I was to lose in ten days. Along with-

'Tis too painful to write. Apologies. D:

Then, after a while of sleepy mooching, a message appears in chat.

Xkrules is no longer AFK.

Smiling, I greeted Xk. A lot of people said we were far too addicted to the server, which was of course, bullsh- I mean, not true.

[Trusted] Lily2525: XK ^-^ welcome back.

Okay, maybe not. It's PLAYERS are awesome. The conversations. OH the conversations.

[Trusted] Xkrules: Thanks :P

[Trusted] Lily2525: Wanna go MA? I'm bored as asdfghjkl.

[Trusted] Xkrules: Sure :3

I hastily type out the join command for Mob Arena- _/ma join_- and am teleported to the small room. Kokonut suddenly appears in the MA Spawn.

I flip my coffee cup and curse as I'm burned by the hot drink. Dammit, Koko.

I echo my thoughts on screen.

[Trusted] Lily2525: Dammit, Koko! D: I spilled my coffee. I may have to sue you.

**[Founder]** Kokonut: Muahahah

**[Founder]** Kokonut: Xk get tank.

Xk gets tank while I get knight. Then healer. Then tank.

Koko was an archer.

**[Founder] **Kokonut: slap dat block

And we hit the iron block. Well, I didn't, but it hardly matter- well, maybe it did. We didn't start.

I practically heard Xkrules sigh from Serbia. Smiling, I watch a new player join. His name, at the moment, escapes me. I do believe it had a D in it.

Dman joined the game.

Welcome [Citizen] Dman to the server!

[Trusted] lily2525: Hi, Dman, welcome :D

I kindly welcomed the new player. Look what I got in return.

[Citizen] Dman: WTF IS THS SHIIT THIS SERVR FKING SUK

[Citizen] Dman: FK U LILI

I blink.

I read the chat.

_What the fu.._

[Trusted] Xkrules: Hey wtf i has to go

And he left.

The chicken. The damn chicken.

I scowl.

Koko speaks up.

**[Founder]** Kokonut: What? o.o

I smile. Koko was boss. She could fix any noob.

The noob didn't reply.

**[Founder]** Kokonut: Problem solved.

I sent her a question mark, feeling slightly wounded.

**[Founder]** Kokonut: Muted him :D

I laugh, and the noob then leaves.

Ten seconds later, another player joins under the name of KOKONUTSUK.

He vanished as soon as I'd read his name.

[Trusted] Lily2525: Hah. Swing dat ban hammer xD

* * *

The next day or so, I logged on to find a very agitated Xkrules and slightly moody TheLawHD.. and someone else I'd never seen.

illftde was its name.

[Trusted] Lily2525: That guy's name looks like someone threw their keyboard at a wall.

I had triggered the bomb, it seemed.

[Citizen] illftde: STFU STUPID LILY GO GT A FKING LIFE YOU BTCH

My eyes widened in delight. Yay, noobs! This was going to be fun.

[Trusted] Lily2525: A life, you say? And where exactly could I bag myself one of those?

[Trusted] Lily2525: eBay?

Boom. :)

[Citizen] illftde: NO JYU STAY ON CPUTER ALL DAY & YOU HAVE NO FRENDS1!

I chuckle. He was certainly right in some places. I smile and respond.

[Trusted] Lily2525: Oh, indeed. I do stay on my computer for rather excessive periods of time. But, sadly, I think I may have to correct you in several cases.

He attempts to cut me off.

[Citizen] illftde: STFU

I continue.

[Trusted] Lily2525: One: I think you'll find I DO have friends.

[Trusted] Lily2525: Two: If I stayed on my computer all day, how come I'm on at night?

You had to admit, I had a point.

[Trusted} Lily2525: Also.. you appear to lack proper socialization skills. And grammar. That's lacking, too.

[Citizen] illftde: SHUT THE FUCK UP BTCH

[Trusted] Lily2525: Why do you have such a low opinion of me?

[Citizen] illftde: BECASE YOU ARE BITCH!

I think he meant to sound intimidating. I frown pitifully. Poor child.

[Trusted] Lily2525: It takes a lot to get me mad. Give up, maybe go outside, go play in a highway, etc, etc. How am I a bitch?

[Citizen] illftde: becase you sed my name is keyboard at wall

That was officially the lamest excuse I'd ever heard.. next to 'becase ur mom', of course.

I sent him a heart icon, dripping in sarcasm, then /ignore him. Damn eight-year-olds.

My eyes light up. Got it.

I unignore him rapidly and..

[Trusted] Lily2525: Kid, I don't think you should know those words. Bad. Don't say them. Eight-year-olds aren't supposed to know them.

He quit.

**_Victory!_**

* * *

**Extra long. Just for you. :P Anyway, this was slightly dramatised for your amusement. :3**

**Act now, think later, I'm out. later tater **


End file.
